#NAPKIN25 Week 5 Results
Week 5 of The Napkin…Jonathan Taylor bulldozed his way back into elite form with his second three-touchdown explosion. Ja’Marr Chase reminded managers why he was the consensus 1.01. Quarterbacks stole the show, too. Patrick Mahomes shredded defenses in vintage style, and sophomore phenom Drake Maye continued his improbable rise into fantasy relevance. Before we commence any further…
BOW TO YOUR NAPKING!
WEEK 5 HIGH SCORE | JSTUKES 264.45 Points
JSTUKES landed a whopper in Week 5 with a record-book catch weighing in at 264.45 fantasy points. If you had Rico Dowdle and Kendrick Bourne on your BINGO card this week, then you are a liar. But that’s okay because we’re all friends here.
This roster was anchored by a slick game stack straight out of the Bills vs. Patriots pond. For most of the first half, it looked like a dead lake, three lonely field goals bobbing on the surface while fantasy managers stared blankly, wondering if anything would bite. But JSTUKES kept the line in the water, trusting the current, and the second half hit like a feeding frenzy. 34 points churned up in a wild flurry of action, and suddenly that quiet pond turned into open-water chaos.
By the final whistle, JSTUKES didn’t just reel in a win; he hauled in a trophy big enough to mount on the fantasy Wall of Fame.
WEEK 5 LITCH | 0WEB 996.75 Points
0WEB got tired of just being the first name alphabetically in the REPORT CARD, and said, “I want me some REAL glory hole”. And he got it, to the tune of a 199 points per game average, a number so gaudy it should come with its own warning label. What’s crazier? This team hasn’t dipped below 170 points all season, even after losing Malik Nabers to that cruel, turf-induced ACL tear. Most managers would’ve folded faster than a bad poker hand, but 0WEB just reloaded and kept reeling off monster weeks like it’s nothing. That ain’t luck, it’s draft mastery and a touch of Napkin witchcraft. A truly well-earned Trading Napkin, and a reminder that sometimes, being first alphabetically is just foreshadowing for being first everywhere else.
WEEK 5 2HUNDRED CLUB | 57 Waiver Saviors
A lotta Rico Dowdle on this list. Hey, I’m guilty of it, too. I even wrote him up in my Week 5 DFS Cheapskate article (which was a banger, multiple 5x+ guys).
Fifty-seven of us flexed our waiver-wire muscles this week and powered our way into the 2HUNDRED CLUB like chefs at a backyard cookout. Spatulas in one hand, FAAB budget in the other. Every claim, every pickup, every “yeah, I guess I’ll roll the dice on him” turned into pure fantasy sizzle. Somewhere between the third Trading Napkin and the fifteenth stat refresh, I realized I missed a golden opportunity for a Heinz Ketchup-themed Trading Napkin; this week was begging for a condiment sponsor. Future partnership alert, because this lineup of high scorers is a full-on sausage fest. Not even trying to be subtle about it, this clubhouse smells like grilled glory, beer-scented stat sheets, and oniony regret for everyone who didn’t hit “add player” in time.
WEEK 5 NAPstats
And then there were 10…Five weeks in and only a dime bag of 10-0 teams remain, which means 98% of our tournament goers have suffered at least one loss. Incredibly, half of these undefeated teams do not have some combination of Puka Nacua, Jonathan Taylor, or Christian McCaffrey. How is that even possible?
Well, maybe they all had one of the first two picks, who represent nearly a third of our top 50. Teams with the 1.01 pick have 80 (EIGHTY!) more wins collectively than our unfortunate drafters in the 12 spot. It reminds me of the 2023 offseason when I wrote a long diatribe of how fantasy football was returning to its old school roots, and was summarily laughed out of a Discord. Well, people I don’t know who wouldn’t even remember, who’s laughing now? Hint: it’s the early picks.
If you want to find out exactly where you stand #NAPKIN25, then (hint) head over to the REPORT CARD page for a full breakdown of your #Napkin25 week 5 results. The grades refresh every Tuesday morning, so bookmark it and stay up to date.
The ALL-NEW T1000 Report Card is here. Check. It. Out!
Finally, if you need some help with waivers, buy/sell options, or just whether or not to overreact to the week 5 slate, bang the link for intel from some of my favorite FSAN analysts and experts.
For more great fantasy football content, head over to the FSAN YouTube channel and check out Aaron St. Denis and Greg Cramer on this week’s episode of Last Call. Last Call is live every Monday at the kickoff of Monday Night Football.